Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I’ve always been a very social person with a large group of acquaintances and several close friends. However, I found making friends after having children hard. Real, deep friendships are hard to find as an adult. The freedom and time you once had, is no longer available to have honest, meaningful, uninterrupted conversations.
After several years of not having a “group” for the first time in my life, it began to affect me. Marriage was hard, I was constantly exhausted, and my dear friends that I’ve had for years were no longer in my daily life. I was struggling with loneliness. I knew to make friends and foster a new community, I would have to be intentional , but it all felt so overwhelming. I began to pray for friends to be part of my daily life in my own community.
It took time but during those infamous weeks of quarantine in the spring of 2020, I wrangled two new local friends into evening walks. I felt this was necessary for my need for relationships and a break from the house. I am so glad God placed those friends in my life. It proved to be one of the best things to come out of quarantine. During those walks around the neighborhood, we laughed, cried, shared, prayed, and learned to trust and lean into each other.
Since those evening walks, we have all three experienced really heavy things in our lives,but God orchestrated our friendship from the beginning so we would have each other as we journeyed through those dark days. We were never created to be alone. God created Eve for Adam (Genesis 2:18). Even Jesus had a tribe with which to walk through ministry with and He doesn’t expect us to do it on our own either. Paul encourages both the Galatians to “carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2) and the Thessalonians to build each other up and be a source of encouragement for one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
I know this sounds lovely and is a lot easier said than done. You may have recently moved and know absolutely no one, or maybe you have been deeply hurt by friendships in the past. That lunchroom table insecurity really never leaves us, does it? If you are lonely or don’t trust your current friendships, ask your Heavenly Father and He will faithfully provide (Matthew 7:7-11). It may take some time and a step or two out of your comfort zone, but God will honor your heart and desire for connection. Like I tell my boys, “You have to be a friend to gain a friend.” For all you know, that person you invite for coffee or compliment in the elevator may be just as lonely as you.